VIDEO REVIEW
This week’s session was somewhat of a review. Dr. Tripp reinforced the need to use the gospel when dealing with discipline and attitude issues with our children. He also equipped us with some more Bible verses to use in these situations. One thing he reiterated was the warning to avoid getting lost in the particulars of a situation, like “who had it first?” or why a child can’t go where they want to. Our children will make a debate out of any issue! To help keep us focused on the gospel and avoid a debate, Tedd reminds us that we need to focus on the heart issues that produced the problem in the first place. It is important that we, as parents, are able to identify the heart issue within our children so we can approach the problem correctly. He gave us a list of Bible verses that might be helpful in certain situations.
For a child declaring something like, “He hit me first!” we can identify the heart issue as revenge. It is tempting as a parent to jump into defense mode for the child who makes this declaration. Dr. Tripp reminds us that this will not bring us to a place where we can share the gospel with our children. Instead, he suggests using a verse like Romans 12:17 “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” We should then ask the child how they should respond to the situation in light of that scripture and encourage them that they can trust God with justice. “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” (1 Peter 2:23) These verses will also teach our children to be witnesses of God’s love by showing love to others in tough circumstances.
Another example Dr. Tripp gave was for the child struggling with love of self. This is displayed when a child becomes overly upset when a sibling messes up their room, plays with their favorite toy or if they are having trouble sharing, etc. In this situation, Dr. Tripp points to Philippians 2:1-4, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Emphasis added). Instead of focusing on the particulars of the situation, we can guide our child’s thoughts toward redemption and unconditional love for others. We can ask them questions that lead them to the conclusion that even though their little brother may have broken their toy, they ultimately would rather have the brother than the toy, or even bring them to the conclusion that they could be just as happy playing with something else while allowing another child to continue playing with the thing they coveted. This same verse can also be used for the issue of pride which is often displayed through ungrateful attitudes and feelings of entitlement. More verses helpful in this matter are, “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” (James 3:13-17) and “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” (James 3:17)
For children who are being motivated by fear to do destructive things, Dr. Tripp offers these verses, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18) and “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” (Hebrews 13:5) Much of the way we live – keeping our family and marriages intact, etc. can help our children immensely in this area, but for those who have experienced loss and hardship, we need not only to be teaching them these verses, but living them out as we struggle along with them.
And for children struggling with desires, keeping score with what they have compared with others and making declarations like, “They chose first last time!” Dr. Tripp pointed us toward James 4:1-3. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:1-3) We need to emphasize that whatever game is played, or whatever shoes are worn, doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. If we play referee, we miss the opportunity to discern abundance of the heart issues.
The main point Dr. Tripp makes in each of these situations is that we need to ENCOURAGE our children with the word of God in the midst of temptation. “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21). When we use God’s word, we remind them that God is just, and point them in the direction of being able to handle life in a spiritually healthy way. Dr. Tripp encourages us with this statement, “Every opportunity to correct and discipline is an opportunity to show your children the grace and goodness of God!” He also makes it clear, however, that we cannot do this if we do not have a good mental concordance of scripture to use during our child’s weak moment. He reminds us that our words will always be debated by our children, but words spoken straight from the Bible are truth and are much more powerful. “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)
In addition to giving us verses to help with certain circumstances, Dr. Tripp gave us a list of redemptive verses that we can use to offer our children hope in the midst of their struggles and temptations. These verses remind them that Jesus saw the world through their eyes and though he never sinned, he was faced with the same temptations they are. He understands and has the power to help. It also reminds them that God will grant mercy for their past failures and grace for future needs. These verses are as follows:
“Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham’s descendants. For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” (Hebrews 2:14-18)
“In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.” (Hebrews 2:10-11)
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” (II Peter 1:3-4)
Finally Dr. Tripp reminded us to pray with and for our children. While we cannot force our children to pray, we can always ask them if they’d like to pray with us. If they are unable to seek God in that moment, we can always pray for them. Remind them through prayer that there is always hope that the issues of their heart can be dissolved through God’s power. Just like Jesus used prayer to give beneficial instruction in John 11:41-42, we as parents can do the same. “Then Jesus looked up and said, ‘Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.’”
DISCUSSION
Since this session was somewhat of a review with added tools, we did not have a question and answer time. We did discuss how using the gospel and God’s word has helped us in the months we have been learning this material. One moment that stood out for myself was when I knew that my daughter was lying to me. While I did not have a verse memorized for the situation, I was able to find one pretty quickly using my Bible’s index. She and I both committed this verse to memory, “The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in [those] who are truthful.” (Proverbs 12:22). This verse allowed me to remove the debate from whether she really had to go potty or not to whether or not she wanted the Lord to delight in her. She was much quicker to admit the truth and I was then able to show her God’s forgiveness and encourage her to continue being truthful. In the past, the debate would have only made us both upset, offered no redemption and God would have been absent from the conversation. I also laughed when Dr. Tripp made the point that we can’t force our children to pray as I recalled the time I tried to encourage my daughter to have a more positive interaction with one of her friends by saying, “Maybe you could pray together before you play”. Her response was a blatant, “Maybe not!” I hope this material has been useful to you as you come across heart issues with your children. It is very hard, especially in the presence of others, to be able to think on our toes and automatically go to the heart and God’s word when we are in the midst of conflict. I do believe, however, that the more we work at it, the easier it will become.
HOMEWORK
This week’s homework is to memorize one of the redemptive verses that Dr. Tripp gave us. Let’s equip ourselves with God’s encouraging word!
We also discussed the opportunity to visit nursing homes with our children. Our first visit will be on a Sunday afternoon at the end of October or beginning of November. Let me know if you are interested in joining us.
Also – our church is offering a “Raising kids God’s way” class Sundays during the 9:45am service for the next few months. One of our moms has been attending and said it is a great program. It is open to anyone, so feel free to join in the lesson.
~Theresa
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