VIDEO REVIEW
This week continued the MOPS DVD curriculum, “What Every Mom Needs”. The focus was on perspective.
This week the lesson took place amidst a conversation between a mother, her grown daughter who has a toddler and the daughter-in-law who has a toddler and a preschooler. To begin, we were shown a glass of juice and asked if we saw the glass as half full or half empty. They went on to say that our perspective determines how we see things and what we focus on. When we have a healthy perspective we are able to focus on what is important and not dwell on what is not… we are able to see the glass as half full. When we lose the proper perspective, we allow ourselves to become discouraged, disappointed and disillusioned. We see the glass half empty. They talked about times during their parenting when they had lost the right perspective. The daughter-in-law mentioned a time when her oldest daughter was in a biting phase. It seemed everything she tried to stop the behavior just wouldn’t work. After spending weeks in the house avoiding other children, she finally decided to take her daughter to the children’s museum to combat cabin fever. At one point, her daughter spotted a baby in a stroller and before she could stop her, her daughter not only started biting the baby, but pulling it’s hair! A horrified look crossed the mother’s face before the mother of the toddler carried her daughter out of the museum as quickly as possible. She described how upset she felt as she sat in her car thinking about the incident. Her thoughts began to spiral as she wondered how she could ever put her child in school or organized activities. They wouldn’t be able to have anymore children. She was going to have to either learn how to homeschool or figure out a way to earn enough money to have her tutored. She wondered if her daughter would ever be able to function in society and if both she and her husband would be destined to care for their daughter throughout her life. She burst out crying in defeat. She had allowed herself to define her daughter in just one small stage of her life rather than gaining the proper perspective and seeing that surely, this could not last forever. Of course, her daughter has since learned to behave and is presently in school happily socializing with other toddlers. She now looks back at that time and laughs at how she had allowed herself to adopt the wrong perspective in the moment.
So if it is so easy to lose the proper perspective, how can we combat this? We each need to find our own ways by which we gain it most effectively. The mother with one toddler related that before she had children, she looked forward to long, hot showers and her car ride to work to help gain a good perspective for starting the day. Now, it was nearly impossible to take a shower in the morning, let alone a long one. Her time was now interrupted by a toddler throwing toys into the shower and kid songs playing on the car radio. What they determined is that we as mothers often don’t negotiate our need to gain a proper perspective and as a result, become resentful and unable to care for our children as lovingly as we would like. It is important to realize what our needs are regarding perspective and make it happen, one way or another. We need to “look around” (Who can we talk with to gain perspective?), “look in” (What do we need to gain perspective?) and “look up” (see a Godly Perspective).
The last part of the video focused on having a Godly perspective and remembering that since our children have been entrusted to us by God, they ultimately belong to Him. The grandmother initiating the conversation shared how she felt when finding out her son was diabetic. She feared the day to day hurdles that they would both face and wondered what his future would be. As it became a part of their lives, the anxieties and fears started to subside. She acknowledged that there were certain things she could control (making sure he had his shots, carrying sugar with them, etc) and things she resigned to offer up to God. Now that he is grown, she is able to see God’s faithfulness in his life and rejoices in the future her son is living out as a husband and a father. It is easy to lose perspective when we don’t remember that God created our children for a purpose and even the qualities they possess at a young age (good and bad) can be used by God to carry out that plan.
QUESTIONS/ DISCUSSION
1. How did your perspective of motherhood change from before you had children to afterwards?
2. How has your perspective of motherhood changed in different stages of motherhood?
3. What was a moment/ time you lost a positive perspective?
4. How do you maintain a healthy perspective?
5. Is there someone you can talk with to gain a proper perspective?
As for myself, motherhood was so much easier before I had children of my own! I can remember my sister spending the night with her crying baby boy. My sister was visibly upset, kept checking the monitor, and went up to his room a few times. I remember making comments like, “Don’t worry, he’s a baby – that’s what they do” and wondering why she was letting herself get so worked up about it. Six months later I was curled up in the fetal position crying my eyes out because my baby was crying and I couldn’t get her to go to sleep! And again, my perspective has changed with my second child. Both my husband and I are much more relaxed having some experience under our belts and an idea of what to expect. It is also easier for me to have the proper perspective when I see how different my children are, and not holding myself responsible or giving myself credit for every quality they have.
One of the moms shared a similar instance to a mother on the dvd when her daughter was not sharing. She had a hard time grasping a good perspective during that stage, and when she would see her daughter take something from another child, felt ashamed, upset, and discouraged. Another mother shared how easy it was for her to lose the proper perspective when her child, whom she thought was potty trained, had an accident in the middle of a grocery store excursion. How about you?
When we talked about perspective, we all lit up as we mentioned things that had helped us. A couple of the moms shared how important it was talking to friends who were also mothers. One mom shared how a trip to Target without kids in tow made a huge difference. For others it was a date with their husband. A couple of other moms and I determined that getting the kids to bed early so we could have some quiet time to unwind and spend with our husbands sustained our perspective. Knowing that I am more likely to lose a positive perspective when I am tired gives me the incentive to go to bed early as well. On the video one of the moms talked about a yearly retreat on the lake that she and her husband take together. She was able to reflect, refocus and regain the proper perspective. Somehow our children are so much sweeter and cuter when we’ve had some time away from them! No matter what method we use to gain perspective, we need to take action in making it happen so we can be the mothers God designed us to be.
BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE
As we seek a Godly perspective in our parenting and for our children, let’s look to Hannah as a wonderful example. Hannah had every reason to lose a good perspective. She was barren and in a polygamous marriage, and even though the Bible makes it clear that her husband loved her more than his other wife, she was in agony because the other wife had many children and taunted her for being barren. Every year she and her husband would make a pilgrimage to a place called Shiloh to offer sacrifices, and one year she broke down in a pleading prayer, literally crying out to God for a child. In doing so, she unselfishly offered the child up to God; “In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow saying, ‘O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life…” (1 Samuel 1:10-11). The Lord was faithful in answering her prayer and Hannah was faithful as well in giving her son to God. “After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was…and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh…they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him, ‘As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.’” (1 Samuel 1:24-28). What happens next is hard for many of us mothers to imagine. Hannah just gave up her son who would be to live far away under the care and teaching of Eli the priest. Instead of being sad and regretting her promise she made to God, she prays, “My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high…”(1 Samuel 2:1) The prayer of sincere praise for her God goes on for 11 more verses. How could a mother happily give up her baby… especially when she waited so long for him? We know from the text that she would only get to see her child once a year when she and her husband went on their pilgrimage. Hannah knew our God is good and He had a special plan for her child’s life. She knew her son was a gift from her maker and who was she to hold on to him for herself? I think it is safe to say that none of us will be faced with this exact scenario, but what if our children come to us one day and say they feel called by God to become missionaries in a different country, or feel a calling to help certain people in a dangerous place? What if God takes our children before he takes us? Often we have ideas of what our children’s futures will look like. We think of holidays with our children and grandchildren all around a table enjoying each other. While this is a great thing, it may not be what God has planned for them. Are we able and willing to open our hands and offer our children and their lives to Him and His plan? Do our children know that God’s plan is more important to us than our own desires?
Let me take you to 1 Samuel 2:18-21. “But Samuel was ministering before the Lord – a boy wearing a linen ephod. Each year his mother made him a little robe and took it to him when she went up with her husband to offer the annual sacrifice. Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, saying, ‘May the Lord give you children by this woman to take the place of the one she prayed for and gave to the Lord.’ Then they would go home. And the Lord was gracious to Hannah; she conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters. Meanwhile, the boy Samuel grew up in the presence of the Lord.” May I suggest that God, being the wonderful giver of gifts that He is, has gifts waiting for us upon our obedience? As you can see from Hannah’s story, He blessed her abundantly beyond what she asked for in return for her obedience. Not only did she receive many blessings, but her son, Samuel became one of the greatest leaders in the history of Israel. If she had kept her son for herself, he would not have lived out the great plan God had for his life. Do you believe God has a plan for your child’s life? Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
What is more important – that our children know it is our desire that they follow and serve the Lord in whatever way He sees fit, or that they merely follow the status- quo by growing up, going to college, getting a good job, having a family, and giving us plenty of grandchildren? Let me clarify that there is nothing wrong with the latter, but if we do not express to both God and our children that t is His will for their life that we desire above all else, we may actually miss out on a blessing God has waiting for us. It is scary to say “God, your will be done” knowing he could potentially take our children far away or we may even suffer a premature loss. Put in its proper perspective, this life, while it may seem all consuming and long is truly short. When we and our children leave this world, we will be going to one of two places. Let’s not be so consumed with the here and now that when we get to the end of our lives, we regret not living for our ultimate future and home – heaven.
HOMEWORK
This week I want to encourage you to get on your knees or pick up your prayer journals and pray to our God, our maker, our Lord and our savior. Open up your hands and give your children to Him – no matter what He may have in mind. If you are not ready to do this yet, that is ok. Please take the time to pray for God’s help with arriving at this decision. Do some soul searching and ask yourself why you might not be ready. Do you trust God? Do you believe he has a plan for your child’s life? Do you believe His plans are perfect? Do you believe there is blessing that follows obedience? Are you not willing to let go of the control? I pray that each of us will come to the place Hannah was when she praised the Lord after giving her long -awaited son to Him.
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