Theresa's "Moms' Group Review: Week 1"

Here's what Theresa wrote up for her Moms' Group this week!
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At our first meeting, everyone shared her biggest strength and weakness as a mother.  The homework assignment was to choose a Bible verse that encouraged them regarding their weakness and stick it on their fridge (or wherever they would see it frequently).   To start off this week’s meeting we all shared our verses.  Here are some of them:

“For God is not a God of disorder, but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33)

“Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” (Proverbs 25:15)

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11)

 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

 “You will keep in perfect peace he whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3)

I want to encourage you to either choose one of these verses or find one for yourself likewise inspire you and put it where you will see it often.

VIDEO REVIEW

This week we began the MOPS DVD curriculum, “What Every Mom Needs”.  The focus was on identity.  Here is what we saw:

                  A mom closes the door to her daughter’s room after putting her down for a nap.  She looks at her watch and realizes that she has approx. 1 ½ hours of free time.  There are so many things she could do… so many things she should do.  What does she choose?  She heads downstairs and gets pulled in by a basket of laundry that needs folding and begins to work on that.  She then gets the overwhelming desire to just sleep – she is exhausted.  As soon as she puts her head down and closes her eyes, the phone rings.  She gets up and looks at the caller ID.  It’s an old friend she hasn’t talked to in a long time.  She debates answering.  Does she have the energy for a conversation?  She answers making sure to sound like she is full of vitality.  At one point in the conversation tries to describe her days without sounding trifle to the person on the other line who has an executive position and travels all over the world.  After the conversation is over, she feels weird.  “Why was it so hard for me to tell her about my life?”  The baby starts to cry and she goes up to her room.  She stops at the door and remembers that this is a special stage in her life that needs to be embraced.  It won’t last forever and she will miss it when it’s over.

I think we can all relate to this.  Sometimes it is difficult to feel justified or secure in where we are during certain stages of raising our children, yet we instinctively know that the work we are doing is important.

  After this intro, a speaker talked about the first time her husband and child went out together, allowing an afternoon to herself.  The first thought that crossed her mind was “What am I going to do with myself?”  There was plenty to do, but which should she choose?  She also said that by the end of the afternoon, she was missing her son terribly, and not only because he was cute and cuddly, but because she didn’t quite know what her purpose was aside from taking care of him.  She was unsure of her own personal identity.

She went on to share the importance of remembering the things we used to enjoy before children and finding outlets for those things.  It is important to blend the “old self” with the “new self” and embrace your “new expanded self” as opposed to completely surrendering who you used to be.  She also emphasized that our whole lives are a journey and this stage of motherhood is just part of the big picture of becoming who God ultimately created us to be.

Questions Review

“How does society define identity and what pressures does that put on us as moms?”

“How does God define us and how can we better look toward Him for our worth and identity as opposed to the societal standards?”

                  One mom pointed out how easy it is to play the comparison game – if my kids/ house/ self are not up to standard with other moms then I must not be doing a very good job.  Another mom mentioned how people tend to look at our children’s successes and failures as a measure of our own. Not only are outsiders guilty of this, but we are plenty good at doing it ourselves.  This isn’t fair to us or our children.  How does God define us, though?

Biblical Application

Let’s look at Mary of Nazareth.  While we as a society may define her as the mother of Jesus, the Bible makes it clear that God does not.  We looked at Luke 1:26-55 (I encourage you to read this passage).  It describes the angel Gabriel telling Mary that she is to become pregnant with God’s son.  She is described as being “Highly favored”, “Finding favor with God”, and “The Lord’s servant”.  Her response also gives us a good idea of who she is.  Even though this pregnancy would put her in a very tough position socially, she says “For the Mighty one has done great things for me.” (Luke 1:49)  She realizes that what God thinks and what he is doing in her life is more important than what anyone else might think of her.  She also says “He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.”  God didn’t choose her because she was well known, prosperous, or of royalty.  She came from a humble background, with nothing to distinguish her among society, yet she found enough favor with God by the way she lived her life, that he chose her to bear his only son.  When we feel inadequate, unnoticed or unappreciated, remember that God sees and lifts up the humble;  and what is more humbling than being a mom… serving someone else all day every day… changing diapers… need I say more?

Even Jesus acknowledges that Mary’s identity does not hinge on being his mom.  Please look at Matthew 12:46-50.  In this passage, Mary and her other sons go to see Jesus at the Temple.  Someone lets him know they are waiting outside for him and he replies, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?... Here are my mother and brothers.  Whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”  He makes it clear that everyone’s identity lies in our relationship with and dedication to God.  Even Mary is not an exception.

Our Application

                  So what does this mean for us?  It seems many of us get trapped in one of two pools… we either seek to find our identity outside motherhood – devaluing our role as mothers,  or use motherhood to define us – making it hard to move on once the children are grown and gone.  We as followers of Christ need to remember that nothing needs to define us aside from our relationship with Christ.  Also, while we need to embrace the role God has given us and the children he has entrusted to us, we must not impose our own worth, value, image and identity on our children.  God has given us our own identities and purpose.  We find that purpose through seeking him first, and loving and nurturing our children to become who God has created them to be for His glory – not what we want them to be for our own validation.  Our children have their own identities apart from us as well.  As parents we will all encounter times of great pride and moments of intense disappointment.  Ultimately, our children’s successes and failures need to belong to them and not us.

Here is a quote I heard this week and really liked:  “God is the perfect parent.  And his children mess up all the time.” 

No matter what our background is or where we are in this stage of life, we all can find our identity in the same place – with God who created us, and loves us unconditionally.

Homework:  This week’s homework assignment is a fun one.  I want us to put housework aside for a day and just play make-believe with our kids.  Let them use their imaginations and encourage them by using yours too.  You can make it last throughout the day without being totally neglectful of what needs to be done by incorporating meals, etc. into the imaginative play.  Some ideas are:

Go on an adventure to different destinations – let your kids tell you where you are going and what is there.  At lunch time mention that you need to eat and ask if they know of a place you can stop.  (This is Sophia’s new favorite thing to do.  We have flown to many crazy places over that last few weeks!)

Pretend to be a certain kind of animal all day (you may want to avoid bunny rabbits because hopping around will get old fast).  This can be a teaching opportunity for you as well.

Make a treasure map and go for a “treasure hunt” in your house.  When making the map, let your children create different ideas for places in your house (the stairs can be a mountain you need to climb, etc.)

Whatever you do, let your children take the lead.  It is such a gift to see our children’s minds at work and to just spend a day enjoying this phase in their life, because it truly won’t last long.  I’d love to hear about some of your adventures! 

                  I hope this e-mail has blessed and encouraged you.  Have a great couple of weeks and remember; as you look at the dishes in the sink, you feel your blood pressure rise as your baby screams, you clean up yet another mess off the floors you just cleaned, you find yourself having to repeat yourself again and again to a child who refuses to listen and wonder “Where is my identity in this?”, just remember those things are NOT where your identity lies.  It is in your relationship with Christ and his supreme love for you that your value and identity can be found.
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I love that verse: “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11) and will definitely be putting it up in my house!  Also loved the thoughts on holding your identity as not just a "mommy"!